So I was sitting outside of a suburban Target waiting for my ride, when a group of young men (I think the youngest was probably around 14 and the oldest in his early 20's) walked past me. One of them said "Hi, how are you doing," or something to that effect, but I wasn't paying attention to them at all so I didn't realize he was talking to me. When he said "Hi" again, I realized he might be talking to me, but I didn't respond. Maybe it was rude of me to ignore them, but I felt uncomfortable, partly because I didn't even know if he was talking to me (after all, I had never seen these guys in my life...it's reasonable for me to assume they were talking to someone else-right?) but mostly because I had a feeling it wasn't a neighborly sort of "Hi," it was a "How you doin', baby" kind of "Hi."
Anyway, I ignored them and they kept walking, but, apparantly indignant at my lack of response, talked loudly amongst themselves about how I hadn't said "Hi" back. They said things like, "I was just trying to be polite," and "That girl wasn't all that fine anyway," and then they concluded with calling me a "Bitch."
I'm no stranger to street harassment, having grown up in a mid-sized city and having lived in New York for the past year. But I can't seem to escape it, even when sitting outside a Target in Suburbia, and that really frustrates me. I always feel like silence is not the most constructive response to street harassers--I want them to know it's not okay to act like any woman on the street is theirs to look at, talk to, and expect a welcoming response from. I want them to think about what they're doing, and understand that I don't actually like it when they tell me to give them a smile. At the same time, being put in a situation that makes me very uncomfortable (and, in extreme cases, makes me fear for my safety) quite frankly makes me speechless. So my question to you is: Do you respond to street harassers, whether it's something so seemingly innocuous as a "Hello" or something more creepy? If so, what do you say? Or, if not, what do you think the best solution is to creating an environment where street harassment is no longer acceptable? (Your own street harrassment stories and general thoughts on street harrassment are also welcome!)
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2 comments:
Living in DC has been a HUGE eye opener for me. While I have lived in 3 major cities of the world (DC, Philly, London, and soon Pittsburgh), I have never experienced more street harassment than here in DC. Being a somewhat "larger" girl, I was naively flattered at first. But after getting hit on from men in moving cars while walking home at 12:30am after a shift of waitressing, I realized quickly how degrading it really was. I mean, come on, it's 12:30am and pitch black, like you really can see my face. I was just a body: just an image, an outline, an object to catcall at. It happens so often now that it gets to the point where I turn my ipod up so I can't hear it. Just last week, I was beeped at by a garbage truck after work, who then turned around and followed me, shouted at me, and beeped at me again. I'm not an easily scared person, but that is scary.
I used to just wave my middle finger in the air and shoot a nasty look, but I realized that by responding to them, I am playing into their game and becoming the object that they feel like they have power over. Sure, I don;t want them to get away with treating me like an object, but by responding to a moving car with a finger or a mean look isn't going to solve anything. In fact, they probably will just do it more because it gave them a rise that they could have some affect on and power over the feelings of someone else. The only way we can fight back at this is to not play their game, but to hit it wear it hurts. I mean, come on, what am I going to do? Rip my clothes off on the street and have sex with them right then and there? Pull that car over, baby, I'll give you something to shout about. My ass.
I'm not going to pretend like I have all the answers about the ways to react to street harassers. The only way that we can really combat this is to show the world, especially in cities where this seems to happen the most, is that we aren't going to stand for this such as the Hollerback websites. So keep your chins high, girls. You are more than just an object.
I'm also not saying don't do anything about this at all. We have no right to be treated like this, but I feel that it is okay to ignore people who harrass you on the street. You have no idea who they are, and that gives you a good reason to ignore them. If they are really half-decent, they have enough respect to come up to you personally and say "Hello, I think you are a pretty girl, I'd like to get to know you" rather than hollering at you on the street.
Street harassment is easy.. ignore. Obscene comments and behavior plus actual acknowledgment from the women is never a good combination. As for pleasantness by some sweet, innocent looking man is tough. We are called a bitch if we are impolite, but men do not realize we are simply trying to protect ourselves. They do not know what it is like to live with this sense of fear that they could be raped or killed simply because of their gender. It scares me that you were at a Target because not so long ago a young woman was abducted from a Target in the Kansas City area. Her body was found a few days later. As far as I am concerned, they can call me a bitch for being impolite because my safety is a million times more important. Does this mean we should live in fear that a smile will get us killed? Of course not, but I think circumstances definitely affect the response. Read the situation and see what you think fits. I hate that we live in society like this, where we have to debate whether or not we should say hi to a person. But there are crazy people out there who only wish to do harm, and most of the time they are men.
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